Missing her

It's only been a little over two months since Dinie left us.  Seems like a lifetime, honestly.  I know that she is experiencing the fullness of heaven and is in the presence of the Lord.  But I want her here.  Selfish perhaps, but it's the way I feel.  I'm sure I speak for all my siblings and the grands. So many, and I mean SO many times I've wanted to call her and tell her something.  The hole in my heart grows larger and the ache continues to dwell.  My hope and only shred of peace I have is in the hope and excitement of knowing full well, I will see her again in heaven.

I just re-read my tribute to her that I shared at her Memorial Service.  I thought I would share it here as I'd promised and then forgot to send it to a few of you who weren't able to attend her service in January.

“Tribute to Dinie, My Mom”

I am Lisa Shay, Dinie’s youngest son, Shawn’s wife.  Nadine (Dinie) was my mother-in-law.  But really, she was my mom.  We joked about how it was as if she truly gave birth to me.  I am blessed, that I can say this with, Merri, my own mother, sitting in this sanctuary tonight.  She is not offended or jealous.  Both of my mothers know that I have a deep undying love for each of them. 

I don’t quite recall the time I felt knitted together with Mom.  I believe it was a process occurring throughout Shawn’s and my early years together.  She was always ready with a hug, a smile or an encouraging word.  Despite being older than Shawn and having a few more suitcases in my luggage set than the average girl, due to my wandering from the Lord, I never once felt judged or unaccepted.  In fact, it was quite the opposite.  As Dinie and my relationship grew, I felt quite comfortable talking with her about many, many things.  From her I received, spiritual guidance, love, encouragement and most of all, a reminder of whose I was – the Lord’s. 

When we had our first son, Joseph, I was unsure of how to care for a baby.  Learning how to feed a newborn can be a challenge.  Mom was there.  She came along when we took him to his first doctor’s appointment. She helped with his first bath.  She joined us when we bought Joseph his first pair of walking shoes… his baby dedication, his baptism - she was there.  She was there for many firsts and the in between(s) with all three of our boys.  There was always a bit of mileage geographically between us, but I knew that she was only a phone call away – morning or night.

What I will miss about mom, in no particular order:

• Laughing with her over just about anything.  Oh how she loved to laugh!
• Sharing stories about the boys and Shawn.  Keeping her posted on all their activities and antics. 
• Bearing my heart to her over trials and triumphs.  She never turned me away.
• Hearing her talk about her childhood and family and the years with Dad and the kids. Both the good and the bad.
• Telling her about my home improvement projects.  And, yes, I will even miss her opinions on this and that.
• Sharing stories of our friends and the people we meet.  She loved to hear about our life.
• Being able to call and ask her to sing a hymn aloud for me so that I could get the tune in my head.
• Cooking questions – I tend to panic about the shelf-life of meat and such.  She always had an answer for my silly questions.
• Occasionally, I would do or say something and she’d comment how I was such a Shay.  I loved that.  I remember when Shawn and I got married and I wanted to keep my maiden name somehow to honor my father.  She strongly encouraged me to do so, telling me that is exactly what she did.  I LOVE being a Shay.
• Her most recent spontaneous visits to Harrisburg with Cindy.  I’ll treasure the memories of those for life.
• Listening to her talk with our boys about sports and having no clue what they were telling her.  But she asked and listened anyway because of her great love for her boys.
• Her devotionals and scripture encouragement she’d send to me at just the right time.
• Mostly I will miss her unconditional and deep, unending love for Shawn, me and the boys. 

Part of who I am today is due to her influence in my life. 

I am the domestic woman I am because of her.  She would share her many laundry and ironing secrets with me.  Anytime she discovered a new cleaning product, she was sure to let me know about it.  I learned how to cook and entertain large groups of people by being a Shay and watching her.

She has taught me to be a better wife, mother, sister and friend.  She taught me about serving others and dying to myself in being more flexible and hospitable.  She reinforced the importance of family relationships in my life.  Some of the things I learned from her were spoken, but some were caught just by watching her do life.

My heart is shattered into pieces by her passing.  But my hope is in the Lord, who will sustain me until the day we meet again in glory.  There are no words to describe this sort of loss.  I grieve for me and I grieve for Shawn and our boys.  Our void can only be filled by His comfort and perfect peace.