"God's Purpose or Mine?"

taken from Oswald Chambers

He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side . . . —Mark 6:45

We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see “Him walking on the sea” with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see “Him walking on the sea” (Mark 6:49). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.
God’s training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.
God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.

A friend shared this particular reading with me this morning.  As I wrestle with our impending move to PA, this was so perfect for me to to hear.  I need to focus on seeing God in the every day moments of life.  Shawn challenged me this morning in this very way.  I'm so goal and task oriented that it's been so hard for me in the unknowns of going, not going, when, now or later...
Then, of course, there's the "feelings" to consider in it all.  I don't feel it anymore.  No joy.  No excitement about going.  I realize I'm being very transparent here.  I promised that I always would do so.  I have been struggling with months now intense grief about leaving NC.  At times, I thought perhaps it just wasn't going to pan out.  I was happy.  Happy to stay where I love everything.  Happy to not have to make any hard changes.  Happy to be comfortable.
But it seems that God is moving mountains and making a way for us to go.  I'd rather not get into all the details at this point of the hows and so forth.  But suffice it to say, Shawn is beginning to look for work in Harrisburg.  We have told the boys that our move to Harrisburg may be soon.  Please keep them all in your prayers.  They each are at different places in life and their ability to process this transition are all so delicate and individual.  Our eldest is struggling the most.  God is working in my heart of stone to help him through this process.  He and I are so much alike.  As I remind him of God's truths, I'm able to hear them said aloud and they go deeper into my spirit each time I utter those precious truths.  So if you see us out and about, don't be offended if our response isn't what you think or thought it should be.  We are walking this out and praying for the Lord to do a mighty work of sanctification in the process.
Pray for our marriage that we would draw closer to Him and consequently to each other in all of the unknowns.  I do want to follow Shawn and ultimately, be obedient to the Father.  My heart is willing but my flesh is so weak.  I don't "see it."  But I understand that Shawn is being called and led by the Lord and I have to trust God working in Shawn.  I have said my peace and given my word that I will get on board.  I don't know what that looks like in the long haul.  But I do know that God is not concerned with rewarding my obedience in moving to Harrisburg. He is so much more concerned with the process and how He will use it to make me more like Him.